I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
