You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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