I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
