cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
