Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
