Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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