Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
