He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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