if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
