GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
