Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
