I heard we made out
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
