At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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