Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
