It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
