That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
