Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
