her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
