I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
