I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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