take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
