i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
