He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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