Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
