I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
