Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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