So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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