So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just crazy horny about you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
