listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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