What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
