Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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