She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
