ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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