you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
do herpes really smell.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
