Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
