dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
