Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
