The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
