I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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