Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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