you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
