you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
