Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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