Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
