I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
