Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
