Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
