Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
