I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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