I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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