it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
