I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
