She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
