No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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