Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
