I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
