Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
