i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
