I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
