Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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